Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the Jester's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
10:12 pm	Down day Today was not the best day. I find myself focusing on the bumps I hit on my path since I awoke: yesterday's wonderful yoga has left me with painfully straining back and neck muscles, my second-to-last session with a client put me in a Catch-22 as we both wondered whose fault it was that he seems worse off than when we started, my other client of the day forgot our appointment (and I kind of miss him), my in-class status report on my final paper was greeted with something along the lines of "but... what does it DO?!?" indicating a lot more research this weekend in addition to writing, and to top it off the earpiece of my ancient (3 years old!) cell phone died. Hope. I hope to feel better enough in the morning to go rock climbing with Brion. I am nearing the end of graduate school, and a great sense of freedom awaits after December 16th. Regardless of momentary hiccups, I feel pretty positive about my experience of practicum and my role as a support and help to my clients and their families. I am still excited about explaining what I learned in my research - and am hopeful that I'll actually have the paper completed before the 16th. And although I was hoping to wait until I had a job (and still might find a way to do so), I now have a great excuse for buying myself a new (cell phone) toy. My dog is fairly healthy. My wife is lovely, loving and supportive. My home is a safe and welcoming space. I laugh loudly and often. Keep breathing. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 7th, 2009
5:24 pm	Another dinner party One of our guests this week (all of whom are schoolmates of mine) is from the south, which left me with a semi-irrational desire to cook black-eyed peas and greens - which I did. The other influence for last night's menu was the leftover risotto from last week, which I decided I wanted to serve as risotto cakes. Dorie and I rounded out the meal as follows: Appetizer 1 - broiled pears stuffed with brie, drizzled with balsamic dressing and served with crackers (which we served at our last dinner party, but this time Dorie perfected the cutting and scooping and cheese melting Appetizer 2 - ( risotto cakes with homemade fresh salsa ) Side 1 - mashed potatoes (3 white sweet potatoes and one parsnip, plus Dorie's special mash fixins') Side 2 - green beans and sliced almonds sauteed in olive oil Main Course - ( black-eyed peas and greens ) Our guests brought cookies for dessert. (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 17th, 2009
7:27 pm	More cooking stuff Dorie and I have started to throw Shabbat dinner parties (well, twice so far) and just as she realized last night that she wanted to start taking pictures to record the events I am now realizing that I'd like to have some record of my part of the food preparation. Recently I made some amazing pumpkin scones by eyeballing things and playing fast and loose with a few scone recipes. Dorie enjoyed them and encouraged me to repeat (with a few things left out, like sweetened shredded coconut), but the results were extremely bland and heavy (and I am planning on making the stale leftovers into bread pudding tomorrow). In essence, I enjoy creating and find my skill at re-creating to be weaker. I suppose it could be debated whether the key trait in a good chef is creativity or consistency. Anyway, I used my Kitchen-Aid's dough hook for the first time and made some decent ( crackers ). The crackers were only so-so, but with them we served halved, cored pears, baked in the toaster oven at 400 for five or seven minutes, then sliding a knife-ful of triple cream brie into the core and drizzled with Tangerine Fig Balsamic culinary sauce. Mmmmm. My other part of the meal was the ( leg of lamb ) and gravy. UPDATE: No love on the bread pudding (which would have been the second such experiment for me) as the scones were not only stale but fairly advanced in growing green and fuzzy. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 11th, 2009
10:40 pm	Thesis thingee is slow going. Last week I finally was able to articulate a workable question, more or less based upon my original proposal and with an eye toward future paths of research which I figure will be fairly useful. Since then I've done a second round of collecting articles and briefly reviewed them earlier today, but as today was somewhat dedicated to recovering from very late night lighting gigs (bringing in a bit of cash gives me some much needed feelings of capability and self reliance) I still haven't truly taken the time to collect my thoughts and research enough to generate the first draft of my survey, which is due on Wednesday evening. In addition, I'm juggling writing 8 pages of process notes each week, trying to catch up on progress notes for my clients, preparing for new groups that will begin in a few weeks and... yeah. Busy. Last note: I have been trying to set up a therapy group at a supportive housing facility since March, which has involved me spending quite a bit of time there getting to know their teen population. This past week I heard that I am being asked to consider applying to work there part time until I graduate and can take on a (full time?) position. Maybe finding work when all this is done won't be obnoxiously difficult. Or maybe finding the RIGHT position won't be impossible. Or something. (Comment on this)
Monday, September 28th, 2009
9:48 pm	nothing I'm not sure if I'm actually going to be anywhere near regular in posting any time soon, but it has occurred to me to throw some information up on this site. This is a crucial week in my semester, with my case presentation, plans for running groups at my practicum site beginning to move forward, and a whole lot of mental work going in to my final paper planning. Maybe once I make it to next week I'll have something interesting to say. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 19th, 2009
10:18 pm	18 weeks It has apparently been 18 weeks since I last posted. In that time I've done plenty of therapy for school and pretty much did my share of planning (maybe slightly less rather than more) of the most amazing wedding which is still leaving me dazzled with wonderment and gratitude. Tomorrow morning my bride and I get on a plane for Mexico where we hope to transition out of the frantic pace we've been keeping up for much of those 18 weeks. It's even conceivable that I could post again while there, but I'm not promising anything. To all those of my family and friends who do read this, I can't help but express my gratitude one more time for all you have done to support me, especially in the creation of my new family. P.S. For those who told me this past weekend that I hadn't posted the story of my marriage proposal in this forum, check here. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 5th, 2009
11:38 am	TOYS!!! Over a month ago(!) I posted the recipe I created of making polenta in my poach pods. That same day I emailed the manufacturer a link to my recipe and asked them if they knew anyone else coming up with interesting uses for the devices. They responded with some excitement about my creation, asked if they could link to it from their website (which they still have not done) and asked if they could send me samples of their other kitchen tools ... and yesterday they arrived! I was overjoyed as I unpacked the goodies: an ice orb, a drizzle stick, finger tongs, foodloop lace, a six pack of foodloop minis, and two more poach pods. (See here for info on each of these and their other products.) As soon as I can steal two minutes out of my schedule I've got plenty of kitchen fun ahead of me! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 18th, 2009
10:09 pm	My schedule is filling up with clients, though some of it is kind of phantom scheduling as I'm waiting for them to commit to certain times. That doesn't include the groups that others are planning with which I would like to be involved, nor necessarily the parents of a fellow intern's client who I sort of put myself out there as possibly free to see as a couple. To keep me from freaking out focusing on all of this craziness, I'm instead recording several jokes from the Prairie Home Companion joke show that aired this weekend which I'd like to remember for a little while longer. ( Jokes! ) (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 7th, 2009
9:09 am	( Another dream ) Life is beginning to mess with my sleep again, though last night I slept very well except for a brief period after I got up to write down a few key words so that I might remember that dream. Thursday evening I pitched my idea, for a young men's therapy group that will work toward a performance of some sort, to the families and youth I hope to serve. Practicum is going well over all, though I'm still finding my way in many fundamental ways and need to take on more clients, starting next week. Not counting this particular group, I only have four clients I've seen and one who I'm still trying to set up a meeting with his mother. Coming up, though, I'll actually get a female client, possibly my choice from among two ten-year-old girls. (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 21st, 2009
11:01 pm	Bringing religion to the heathens Last weekend was PantheaCon down in San Jose, where Dorie and I worked in the operations department. As this was the second year I worked the con, I'd been promoted beyond newbie status - a fact driven home when I went on my first roving shift as the senior member, showing a new guy how we work. I had a moment of "Eep! I don't even know what I'm doing!", but I got over it. On Friday, Cruz and I co-presented a workshop called "Welcoming the Sabbath Bride" which was just a slightly shortened Jewish Friday night service. It was surprisingly well received, surprising as we had no idea how many "Jewitches" there were. We were very pleased and got lots of encouragement to repeat the workshop next year. The other event which stood out to me was a concert by the Spiral Dance chorus which, as a past member, I got to squeeze up to a microphone and join. Maybe once I finish with school I'll be able to put singing back into my life alongside yoga and all the other hobbies I'd love to enjoy. Speaking of hobbies, I got a chance to cook again this evening, this time experimenting with my Poach Pods. I've joined the Epicurious website so that I can start posting recipes. My first is Poach Pod Polenta, single serving polenta without the stirring! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
8:36 am	Last week's easy first session was followed with a very difficult one. After finding a lot of countertransference (my first big countertransferrential reaction in the field!) when writing up my process notes later on that evening and then speaking with my individual supervisor yesterday about tightening up my therapeutic frame, I feel better. The more I survive these "failures", the more confident I become AND the better I'll be at seeing what's going on as it happens. Still, I can honestly say that this new part of my journey has now become bumpy. Speaking of journeying, I was working on a short response paper while lying in bed last night and wound up toying with the phrase "there are many paths to god" and adding witty endings: There are many paths to god, ... ... but the devil has a monopoly on sign-posts. ... but most are guarded by rabid timber wolves. ... but my favorite ones have sin-themed rest stops. ... so if you don't like the one you are on, just push this button and our HolyGPS&trade unit will find you a new one in seconds! As always, feel free to suggest new ones. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
3:58 am	Today I saw my first clients. It appears that a common fear among therapist interns is being asked if they've "ever done this before" at their first session; I wasn't aware of holding that particular worry inside myself today, but I'll try to take in the flipside: I have now officially done this before should any subsequent client inquire. Before I left for Denver, my site supervisor told me to watch the children at the Bat Mitzvah to build a new understanding of how kids behave and interact because the ones I've been working with at the residential and day treatment program aren't anything like the clients I'll have. I must admit that, compared to the severely emotionally disturbed kids at Edgewood, these were easy. Easy or not, though, I'm obviously having a bit of trouble putting them (or the experience) away as it is 4AM and I'm not asleep. Hopefully I'll get most of my process notes about the session finished before weariness returns to me. NOTE TO SELF: Get a new paper journal. You need one again. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
11:03 pm	Cobain is doing much better, though is now demanding fancier food than just dry kibble. My relief at his recovery has made swallowing this new finickyness mostly palatable. Mostly. (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 25th, 2009
10:23 pm	My frantic pace, driven by the start of practicum and classes and doubled first by proposal preparations and now wedding plans, shifted into a brand new gear with Cobain's illness. Now I'm trying to resist my own cold-like ailment and watching my ancient puppy recover from the unidentified infectious agent which landed him in the vet hospital on Thursday morning. Thursday night I sat up with him all night, constantly petting and touching him to stave off his pitiful, lonely, fever-induced-delirium whining and ensuring that his IV and catheter remained safe. Passing the hours, I quietly reminisced our life together, remembering details: our first meeting at the Hayward Animal Shelter, staying similarly near to him - then in his crate - the first night he came home, visits to various veterinarians (stomach pump after eating Advil, getting foxtails in his nose, recurring intestinal distress), cleaning up lots of diarrhea and vomit, comforting him after we'd been burgled (while he was locked impotent in his crate), moving to unincorporated Hayward to San Leandro to Berkeley to the Mission to Bernal... Our favorite walking sites, from dog parks to Marinas to neighborhood streets... I imagined myself sitting on a deathwatch, celebrating his life and trying to understand, to appreciate, how closely he fit into mine. But the tears I let slip that night and those I've fought back as I've watched him struggle upon his return as he struggles to use his recalcitrant hind legs are not saying a final good-bye. They are merely reminders to stay present with him for however long he continues to grace my life. And in the midst of the great joy with which my life is currently surrounding me, the pain of this slow heartbreak only maintains my vivid awareness of being alive. I am blessed with love, which is as much pain as it is pleasure. I only hope that I can give you, Cobain, as much as you give - and have always given - to me. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 19th, 2009
3:03 pm	The longer version (or what's all this about "brains"?!?) I checked my cellphone and it was exactly 8:30PM. This meant that my friends should all have arrived in the garage downstairs and would be coming to the apartment any minute now. Suddenly, a buzzer began to sound which confused me more than it otherwise would have because I was listening for scratches on the door. Still, it only took thirty seconds to locate and silence the source (the kitchen stove timer, accidentally set during after dinner cleanup) and return to watching American Gangster on the sofa with Dorie and the dog. The movie's plot pulled me in again. Then I heard the scratching. How I came up with the idea is not important, really. Suffice it to say I felt Dorie deserved something more thoughtful than just a fancy dinner and less stereotypical than romance novel fodder. Not enough detail? Okay, fine. I was thinking about those moments in movies where the hero (male or female), in a moment of respite before facing near-certain death/downfall, proclaims their love/devotion/commitment in such a fashion that their later victory (or demise) becomes poignant. That moment seemed like the ideal time for proposing marriage. I quickly rejected spy thriller and period drama genres as too unwieldy, at which point a story from Magic For Beginners came to mind: "Some Zombie Contingency Plans" Dorie knew right away that I was in on it, though what "it" was remained foggy at first. Nine of our nearest and dearest (not being invited to participate does NOT mean you are neither near nor dear to us!) came shambling in, bloodied and festering and moaning plaintively in hunger. As was part of my plan, I slid the sofa in front of the door, both to allow the rest of my friends to enter and still hold them all at bay for my speechification. Unfortunately, all of the florid prose I'd tested in sleepless moments throughout the prior week fled before my alarmed sense of dramatic timing and the frantic pounding of my heart as my ideas insistently transformed into Real Life™ - those and Dorie's uncontrollable panic-edged laughter. Last night I learned some respect for B movie craft. Creating poignant and intimate moments in the midst of attacking zombie hoards is not easy. I skipped quickly to the proposal part, pausing only to wrench my slippers out from underneath a zombie who'd tumbled over the sofa. Exactly what words I sputtered before I pulled the jewelry box from where I'd hidden it in my slipper, knelt, presented the ring and popped the question are hazy. I'd like to think they were at least as good as "before we are torn to pieces and eaten..." Luckily (?) one of the zombies had an active video camera pointed at us the whole time, so I may well get yet another opportunity to be embarrassed if/when I get to view the tape. We distributed the contents of the two bottles of champagne I'd arranged to arrive with the undead, and there was much toasting before Dorie and I, both flooded with adrenaline and rather dazed, happily sent our friends back into the night. Since then a certain giggle periodically bursts from Dorie's smiling face, a fragment of her manic laugh from yesterday evening which tells me she's still a bit stunned by the method of my delivery if not the content of the proposal. Every time I hear it, the echoes of my worry are dampened. I am weird. But I am loved for it. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 18th, 2009
9:40 pm	She said yes. (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 10th, 2009
3:36 pm	I'm almost done with my weekend in New Orleans. This has been a wonderful visit, though I failed to warn my friends in the NOLA Playback company and have hence missed seeing them. Today, however, I helped receive a shipment of plants, doing my share of hauling, unwrapping, spraying and installing them. Ah, just like old times... Jeffrey, my mother's right hand bon vivant, made a reference to Rumpole of the Bailey and I had to pause in my labor to fondly remember Lucille, whose frequent quotings inspired me to watch several episodes of the BBC series. Tomorrow I get my haircut (finally!) and will be whisked off to the airport so that I might slink back to San Francisco, bags stuffed with new clothes and dirty socks... and something shiny for Dorie. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
8:23 pm	Even with ten-plus years of doing paid IT work, it took until today before I actually soldered anything. Monday evening, the Philips DVP642/37 DVD player Dorie got off of craigslist stopped working. When power cycling failed, I looked for a firmware upgrade or other fix online and found that many, many people have had this unit die on them. Apparently Philips used a capacitor without sufficient capacity to always open and close the tray. Today I performed the "easy" fix (in quotations as this is a relative term). I stopped by Radio Shack and bought a 1000u capacitor (which was twice the size and more than twice the capacity of the original capacitor) and my first soldering iron. After a respite installing laminate flooring in the apartment upstairs, I removed the old capacitor and installed the new one and... our DVD player works again! Dorie made fun of me, insisting that I was still a computer professional. I prefer to think of myself as anti-waste/pro-recycling and am pleased to have found a new way of being handy. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, December 29th, 2008
9:41 pm	What's new? Nothing, really. In the kitchen we have lots of leftovers so I'm enjoying turning bits of this and that into bits of totally new stuff. I finished the comic books kindly loaned by the public library and instead of finishing off the interesting book of short stories (Tokyo Canceled by Rana Dasgupta) which my friend Claire lent me many moons ago or beginning an equally intriguing book of short stories (Magic for Beginners by Kelly Link - most of which appears to be available by free download here) which my friend Brion lent me this weekend, I checked out Running from Safety by Richard Bach (recommended by my therapist) from the public library in Berkeley - I'm now halfway through it. So far the interestingest bit has been how the narrator seems to be doing drama therapy upon himself; I wonder if its the same in other books of his I read years ago but don't remember all that clearly. I had my second day of prepracticum at Alta Bates today and became aware of a whole lot more that I don't know but would like to learn. Tomorrow I return and then hope to have tea with a classmate and then visit my friend Jill Lisa who I've not seen since... probably last year. Oh, and one more thing. This may be better left unmentioned, but... my resistance to Facebook has undergone a few assaults recently. The allure of connecting with lost friends from my past, however, is still easily outweighed by both my disinterest in spending more time fiddling about with social networking sites and, of course, the repulsion of connecting with lost friends from my past. *sigh* (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
8:08 am	More dreams I had another rollerblading-across-Berkeley-campus dream last night. As sometimes happens, the barely controlled downhill sliding was not while wearing my blades (just as campus wasn't quite campus) but while I was in tennis shoes and trying to get to a slightly more level spot before putting my rollerblades on. ( Dream #2 ) (Comment on this)